Dungeons and Badgers
by train to nowhere
Summary: This is the Redwall version of Dungeons and Dragons. And, y doesn't anyone read my fic? Is it because the summary is too lame? Well i'm so-rry! -.-; Jeez! Plz R+R.
1. The Dungeon Master

Dungeons and Badgers b  
  
By Redwall-hare b  
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: Brian Jacques made Redwall, not me. And J.K. Rowling made the Harry Potter series, not me. b  
  
DM = Dungeon Master b  
  
b  
  
DM: Welcome to Dungeons and Dragons. I'll be your dungeon master for… the day until you get out of this world. Here are the rules: I created everything since this is my game. I control everything that happens. Well, not everything. Oh yeah, and I'm an all-powerful badger lord that can zap you to nowhere any second, so be good. Heh heh…  
  
Hare: All right, let's get the bally game goin', wot! So where's me ol' weapon an' whatnot, chap? An' good ol' sidekick?  
  
DM: Um. So what's your name?  
  
Hare: Tipol.  
  
DM: Hahahaaa… that's one heck of a funny name.  
  
Tipol: Thankee, sah! *does an elegant leg*  
  
DM: So.  
  
Tipol: Soo. Where's my stuff?  
  
DM: What stuff?  
  
Tipol: Weapons, powers, sidekicks…?  
  
DM: What a bother. You can have a paperclip for you sword, your very own super power of… bad knowledge, and your sidekick can be this mole I found wandering in Mossflower Woods.  
  
Tipol: Paperclip? Bad knowledge? Mole?  
  
DM: Wot? Wot?!  
  
Tipol: Not funny.  
  
DM: *cough* Now let's get on with the game!  
  
Tipol: Woohoo.  
  
DM: Bye. *pop*  
  
Mole: Moi name be's Hurdor.  
  
Tipol: Name's Tipol. Glad to meet ya, matey!  
  
Hurdor: Burr aye! Oi 'as to go an' foind moi farmily afore we go anywhere an' bid 'em goodbye!  
  
Tipol: Sure… and where exactly is your family?  
  
Hurdor: Over yonder in Mossflower Woods, good zur.  
  
Tipol: Yes, sah!  
  
Hurdor: Oi'll be leading the way.  
  
An hour later…   
  
Tipol: Oh great. Woi'll be lost gudd zur.  
  
Hurdor: Oi don't loiks it iffen you imitate me.  
  
Tipol: Eh? Sorry.  
  
Hurdor: That paperclip looks roight dangerous!  
  
Tipol: Heh heh, I know. I found out its magical powers too. You just swish… and flick! Then it can cut through anything.  
  
Adder: Hsss… Asmodeussssss…….!  
  
Tipol: Yaaaaah!  
  
Hurdor: 'ello, gudd mate.  
  
Asmodeus: Hi.  
  
Tipol: Um. *looks nervously back and forth*  
  
Asmodeus: Hi hare. What's happenin'? Eating good, I supposssssse. You look pretty plump these daysssss…  
  
Tipol: Is that your friend, Hurdor?  
  
Hurdor: Yes. Et be moi gudd squirrel friend! She's stuck in that body, and we need to get 'er outa there, hurr hurr!  
  
Tipol: Or so the 'nice little squirrelmaid' says…  
  
Asmodeus: HSSSsssss… die… he's at Hogwarts…  
  
Tipol: It couldn't be! Sirius Black?! b  
  
A/N Ooh! What happens then? Who is this Asmodeus? Is he really Sirius Black or the squirrelmaid? Find out in the next chapter (I'll try and update daily… if I can try). 


	2. Asmodeus/Squirrelmaid/Sirius Black

Asmodeus/Squirrelmaid/Sirius Black  
  
b  
  
By Redwall-hare  
  
b  
  
1 DISCLAIMER: Brian Jacques made Redwall, not me. J.K. Rowling made Harry Potter, not me.  
  
b  
  
2 DM = Dungeon Master  
  
b  
  
Asmodeus: I'm Asmodeus.  
  
Tipol: AHHHhhhh!  
  
Asmodeus: And I'm a squirrelmaid too.  
  
Tipol: Huh?  
  
Squirrelmaid: And I'm Sirius Black too.  
  
Tipol: .  
  
Weird: I can explain! Jeesh!  
  
Tipol: .  
  
Hurdor: .  
  
Weird: Ahh peer pressure! .  
  
Tipol: We're not forcing you to speak like that.  
  
Weird: .  
  
Tipol: So explain.  
  
Weird: *cough* Ok, so it all started out as me as a darling lil' squirrelmaid.  
  
Hurdor: Yiss go on, weird 'un, aye!  
  
Weird: And I was happily jumping around when this snake in a spring startled me. I accidentally slipped from the branch and dropped in the spring. Then, this weird skeleton-like dude and this big looking horse-bird were there. The guy drank some water and accidentally tripped, dropping into the spring.  
  
Tipol: How coincidental.  
  
Weird: Um yeah. So like anyways now I'm all of the people I named: The squirrelmaid, Asmodeus, and Sirius Black. So here's the gig: I'm the squirrelmaid if you say "Chatter". I'm Asmodeus if you say "Hissy wissy". And I'm Sirius Black if you say "Hogwarts".  
  
Tipol: So what are you right now?  
  
Weird: What I look like no duh. I'm Asmodeus.  
  
Tipol: You don't sound like him.  
  
Asmodeus: Say hissy wissy and then I'll sound like him more.  
  
Hurbor: Hissy wissy.  
  
Asmodeus: Hello, dear hare and mole friend. What'sssss going on thessssse daysssss… Hmmm? Hssss… Asmodeus…  
  
Tipol: How do you make you un-adder like? Yssiw yssih!  
  
Asmodeus: Hi.  
  
Tipol: Good. Chatter!  
  
Squirrelmaid: Hi, I'm Taylern!  
  
Tipol: Hogwarts!  
  
Sirius: Where's that Peter? Where?  
  
Tipol: Hoohoo, this is fun!  
  
Hurdor: Stop et, you fiend!  
  
Tipol: *ears droop* Fine. You just took the fun out of everything!  
  
Hurdor: .  
  
Sirius: ?  
  
Tipol: Um like whatever! I'm not talking to you!  
  
Sirius: Where's my good ol' boy Harry? Where is he?  
  
Hurdor: Burr, go an' become gudd squirrelmaid again! Oi don't loik you'm, making me uncomfortable, aye!  
  
Tipol: Oh don't be a poo! Sirius is a good guy!  
  
Hurdor: Oi nevers read thoi book!  
  
Tipol: Oh gee. Fine, chatter!  
  
Taylern: Uhhhrg this is really dumb!  
  
DM: Ooh ooh I sense a quest!  
  
Tipol: Darn.  
  
DM: You have to take Weird to the spring and find 3 rocks that are red, black, and white! Then throw it in the spring and chant Hogwarts, Chatter, and Hissy Wissy backwards! Then, you have to throw Weird in and make him/her drink the water!  
  
Tipol: That's an awful lot to remember.  
  
DM: Don't worry. You'll live. *pop*  
  
Hurdor: Oi'm not gudd at 'membering!  
  
Tipol: Taylern will remember! Right?  
  
Taylern: Ahh behind you!  
  
Tipol: Um what?  
  
b  
  
A/N: What'll happen next? I don't know. I'll have to think about that… 


	3. The Toads of the Spring

1 The Toads of the Spring  
  
1.1 By Redwall-hare  
  
DISCLAIMER: Redwall = Brian Jacques. Harry Potter = J.K. Rowling.  
  
b n/b  
  
DM = Dungeon Master  
  
b  
  
Tipol: Yes?  
  
Taylern: Hah, false alarm!  
  
Tipol: *ears droop*  
  
Hurdor: Luk out Tayloirn!  
  
Taylern: Um no. Jeez I'm not that gullible!  
  
a huge toad attacks Taylern   
  
Tipol: *tssk* That's what you get!  
  
another huge toad attacks Tipol   
  
Hurdor: Oh no! *Hurdor unsuccessfully runs away*  
  
another huge toad attacks Hurdor   
  
Tipol: Move ahh go away!  
  
Toad: Hsssss… hi.  
  
Tipol: What happened to your screwy language?  
  
Toad: You're mean. We'll be eating you soon! Hahahaaaa!  
  
Tipol: Not so fast! *swish flick* Hah! You forget! I have… the paperclip of doom!  
  
Toad: *gulp* Yummy! Give me more!  
  
Tipol: Yaaaah! Eulialalalaaa!  
  
DM: Oh shut-up! Just let the toad take you away!  
  
Hurdor: *choke*  
  
Tipol: No you killed Hurdor!  
  
Toad: Glllp! Hah! We eat!  
  
the toads eat Hurdor   
  
Tipol: Cannibal!  
  
DM: Ok I didn't mean that to happen. Hmm… ooh ooh you can have this mouse I found! Isn't she cute?  
  
Mouse: Hi. I'm a mousemaid named Petunia.  
  
Tipol: What a dumb name. NOW DO ME A FAVOR AND KILL THOSE TOADS!  
  
Toads: GlluP!  
  
Tipol: There goes another potential sidekick!  
  
Toads march Tipol to the spring   
  
Taylern: Hahahaaaa! You'll never catch me now! *swings from branch to branch away from toads*  
  
Tipol: TRAITOR!  
  
Toads: Uhhhrglp! *makes Tipol dive in the spring* Kneel before our king!  
  
Tipol: Hi Buckbeak! *waves to Buckbeak*  
  
b n/b  
  
A/N: Ignore the b's… I was just testing something. 


	4. The Almost Afterlife

The Almost Afterlife  
  
b  
  
By Redwall-hare  
  
DISCLAIMER: Redwall = Brian Jacques. Harry Potter = J.K. Rowling.  
  
b  
  
A/N: I got the afterlife idea from this project I'm doing about the Egyptians…  
  
b  
  
b  
  
Buckbeak: Hi! Yo what's up?  
  
Tipol: Nothin' much. Busy swallowing up my friends?  
  
Buckbeak: *shuffles around* I was hungry!  
  
Tipol: Hmmph! Give me back my friends!  
  
Buckbeak: You'll have to go to the afterlife then.  
  
Tipol: *glare* And where's that? To I have to get mummified or what?  
  
Buckbeak: Yes.  
  
Tipol: I was being sarcastic.  
  
Buckbeak: Well I'm not kidding…  
  
Tipol: *sigh* Ok, mummify me then.  
  
Toads: *eyes glitter maliciously*  
  
Tipol: Ehhh… can you do it? I don't trust these big blobs of green.  
  
Buckbeak: Sure thing. Just enter this casket and I'll wrap you up in toilet paper.  
  
Tipol: Oh yeah, and how'd you get to talk?  
  
Buckbeak: This juice I drink. That's why the toads talk normal. They also drank it.  
  
Tipol: Oooooh…  
  
Buckbeak mummifies Tipol   
  
Tipol: Woohoo.  
  
Buckbeak: Don't talk – It'll crinkle the paper. Okie doke. So now you will go to the afterlife!  
  
Tipol: May I have my last words?  
  
Buckbeak: Yes.  
  
Tipol: Oh Ra help me! Anyone? Osiris? ANYONE?  
  
Buckbeak: Now I need to chant the ancient words. Afterlife! Ra!  
  
Tipol: .  
  
Buckbeak: I know you're rolling your eyes at me. But just wait a few seconds… 


	5. The Afterlife

The Afterlife  
  
b /b  
  
By Redwall-hare  
  
b /b  
  
DISCLAIMER: Brian Jacques wrote Redwall, not me.  
  
b /b  
  
Tipsol: Ooh am I in the afterlife?  
  
Ra: Yes.  
  
Tipsol: WHERE ARE MY FRIENDS?  
  
Ra: .  
  
Tipsol: Not this again. Ra, TELL ME!  
  
Ra: Go and look.  
  
Tipsol: Oh cool I can like float around! Weeeeeee! I'm swimming!  
  
Ra: Good luck.  
  
Tipsol: Don't ruin my groove! *glares* Weeeeeeee!  
  
Ra: *cough* *pop*  
  
Tipsol: Heehee!  
  
Hurdor: Hoi, gurt 'ero!  
  
Tipsol: Oh Hurdor you're alive!  
  
Hurdor: Err no oi'm not! Oi'm a hallucination!  
  
Tipsol: Um so like where's the real you?  
  
Fake Hurdor: Go an' finds oi afore oi purish forever!  
  
Tipsol: So where do I look?  
  
Fake Hurdor: Follow ee riddle from other 'ero, an' don' think thart much fer it, burr no!  
  
Tipsol: Um okieee…  
  
Fake Hurdor: G'bye and gudd luk to ee! *pop*  
  
Tipsol: Other hero, hmmm? That's it! Martin!  
  
Martin: Hello, young Tipsol. You were looking for your friends?  
  
Tipsol: Yes, Hurdor.  
  
Martin: What about the poor mouse Petunia?  
  
Tipsol: Um whatever.  
  
Martin: SO, you're just leaving her behind?  
  
Tipsol: It would take less time…  
  
Martin: Well I happen to know the mouse Petunia is the lordess of the Afterlife and is worshipped by everyone over here. Even Ra. And she heard what you said. Goodbye.  
  
Tipsol: No don't leave me!  
  
Martin: Tough luck. *pop*  
  
Petunia: Servants, carry me to the traitor! *afterlife people carry her to Tipsol* SO, planning to leave me behind, eh? And just how are you going to get out of here?  
  
Tipsol: Martin.  
  
Petunia: You rely too much on Martin! Blaaah, everyone her worships me, so you must revert!  
  
Tipsol: *cough* Whatever.  
  
Petunia: And what happened to the wot's?  
  
Tipsol: It's hard speaking hare all the time.  
  
Petunia: Oh, a lazy bum now are you?  
  
Tipsol: Basically, wot!  
  
Petunia: That's more like it.  
  
Tipsol: I knew that were you like the goddess of the afterlife anyways so I didn't want to… bally disturb you and make you come back to the real world! Heh… yes, I was being ever so thoughtful as to leave you here where everyone worships you! … wot wot!  
  
Petunia: DIE!  
  
Tipsol: No no no!  
  
Hurdor: Hoi, gurt hare-brained fernd!  
  
Tipsol: Run Hurdor she's going to kill us! *runs away*  
  
Hurdor: Oh no! Oi don't loiks this! *runs away*  
  
Petunia: You can run but you can't hide!  
  
Hurdor: Let's run noiw, else we get eatened!  
  
Tipsol: *blink* Huh?  
  
Hurdor: She's a cannibal mouse, she is, burr aye!  
  
Tipsol: Well it was a good thing I didn't bring her back home! Hurry, they're catching up!  
  
b /b  
  
A/N: Yay now I know how to do HTML thanks to Yuna! *huggles Yuna* Woohoo! ( 


	6. Pirate Attack!

Pirate Attack!  
  
b/b  
  
1 By Redwall-hare  
  
b/b  
  
DISCLAIMER: Brian Jacques made Redwall for like, the 6th time! :O  
  
b/b  
  
Petunia: AhhHHHHhhh git 'em yew pirates!  
  
Tipol: Uh pirates?  
  
Petunia: Yes yes the Pirates of Penzance!  
  
Tipol: Yes yes the very thing! Um, also, what's a Penzance?  
  
Petunia: .  
  
Tipol: No really.  
  
Petunia: .  
  
Tipol: .  
  
Awkward silence  
  
Hurdor: Ooh look it's thoi openin' to loif 'gin! O, oi gurtly loiks bein' loive 'gin! *bounds to the opening*  
  
Tipol: Ah yes, wot wot!  
  
DM: Hi.  
  
Tipol: Oh hi.  
  
DM: Heh, thought that I'd disappeared for good, eh?  
  
Tipol: No. In my heart, I knew you were watching me.  
  
DM: Yes.  
  
Tipol: Okie outa the way, good chum! *shoves past DM and goes through barrier*  
  
Hurdor: *follows Tipol* Ahha! We're out foin'ly!  
  
Tipol: Yup, and so is Petunia with her pirate asylum.  
  
Hurdor: Oh no! We 'ave t' go noiw, an' 'urry! Burr aye!  
  
Tipol: *tssks* Don't you ever get tired speaking in moleish? Why don't you be like me and speak regular? It's a waste of brain cells, trying to construct a sentence with all the oi's and burr's and stuff.  
  
Hurdor: I've never thought of that.  
  
Tipol: Good. Stay that way.  
  
Hurdor: *feels hurt*  
  
Tipol: No time to say sorry gotta run away from the Pirates of Penzance!  
  
Major General: For I am a major general… hum dee hum…  
  
Tipol: Ok, Major General. *cough* Go and get your little police squad and surround those pirates!  
  
MG: I'm sorry to disappoint you, fellow citizen. But I got kicked off of being Major General.  
  
Hurdor: Why's that?  
  
MG: Because… oh, it's a long story. It just has something to do with my dog, Ruffles.  
  
Hurdor: Just defend us against those pirates!  
  
MG: They… they aren't pirates.  
  
Ruth: They're noble gentlemen who have gone wrong.  
  
Tipol: Who the heck are you?!  
  
Ruth: I'm 40 years old.  
  
Tipol: Thanks for sharing that. But really, who are you?  
  
Ruth: I'M PETUNIA IN DISGUISE! HAHHHH!  
  
Tipol: How do you laugh like that? Isn't it supposed to be: Hahahahaa! Or MUAHAHAAA! Or BWAHAHAHAAA! Or something? I mean, really. For an evil villain your sure are pathetic.  
  
Petunia: *sniffles* You're mean!  
  
Hurdor: Awww… We're sowwy. Did we hurt Petunia's widdle feelings?  
  
Petunia: Yes. Too bad for you I was about to save the world.  
  
Tipol: What?  
  
Petunia: I'm a secret agent.  
  
Tipol: Then what was all the chasing for?  
  
Petunia: Hey, you have to have a little taste of your own power some time.  
  
Tipol: Oh. So can you stop these…  
  
Petunia: Noble gentlemen.  
  
Tipol: Who have gone wrong.  
  
Petunia: They're still noble gentlemen.  
  
MG: Hi! *waves* I'm still here, you know.  
  
Tipol: Yeah we all know that. Anyways, can you stop them?  
  
Petunia: *holds a British flag* STOP!  
  
Pirates: *stops*  
  
Hurdor: Gudd, noiw begone with you!  
  
Tipol: *mutters something about waste of energy*  
  
Taylern: *swings over* Hi.  
  
Tipol: Traitor.  
  
Taylern: Am not. I had to save myself.  
  
Petunia: *casts her off to the afterlife*  
  
All: Have fun!  
  
Petunia: Anyways, after that ever so rude interruption, I'm a secret agent, trying to stop a mad hare from taking over the world!  
  
Tipol: Oh? And what's that hare's name?  
  
Petunia: Top secret.  
  
Tipol: No, really. I might know him. Or her.  
  
Petunia: Sorry, can't tell.  
  
MG: Hi.  
  
Tipol: *ignores MG* But really, I might know the hare.  
  
Petunia: I can't.  
  
Hurdor: Ploise tell h'us, we'ms be vurry curus!  
  
Tipol: *sigh* Waste of –  
  
MG: Hi.  
  
Tipol: *glares at MG*  
  
MG: *smiles innocently*  
  
Tipol: Wait a sec. So how do you relate to Redwall? You're a… a person!  
  
MG: *smiles innocently* I don't know. The author of this created me in this wacky universe.  
  
Petunia: That's ok, Major General. You can stay in the Redwall world and help me track down the evil genius.  
  
Tipol: Pleeeeeeease, tell us! Or we'll make you with our secret weapon!  
  
Petunia: What secret weapon?  
  
Tipol: The Yuna-look of innocence/pleading that will surely make you tell us! *whips out Yuna*  
  
Yuna: Hey! *glares at Tipol* Let me go you evil villain!  
  
Tipol: Just give her the look and you can go back to the real world.  
  
Yuna: *gives Petunia the innocent look of pleading*  
  
Petunia: AHHHH! Must… be… strong. AHHH! Okay I'll tell just get her away from me!  
  
Yuna: *pop*  
  
1.1 Petunia: It's… ME! MUAHAHAHAA  
  
Hurdor: No surprise.  
  
Petunia: What happened to the gasps? I always receive them.  
  
Tipol: *sigh* Just to make you happy… *gasp*  
  
Petunia: *nods to Tipol* Yes, thank you Tipol.  
  
Hurdor: So you're like a double agent?  
  
Petunia: Yeah, kinda! Cool, isn't it? Like, like… Alias! Yeah, what's-her- name. 


	7. A... Nice AIM Conversation

A… Nice AIM Conversation  
  
b/b  
  
Tipol: Hmm… I've heard of Alias. Back in the olden days, when I was addicted to AOL instant message. Heh, I used to harass people like Martin the Warrior and little Mattimeo, IMing them.  
  
Hurdor: Hurr, tell us 'boutit you'm gurt burdburain!  
  
Tipol: What'd I tell you about your accent? *sigh*  
  
Hurdor: All right, Tipol. So tell us.  
  
Tipol: I even recorded all the messages and remembered them… right in this notebook, yup! *pulls out a rusty notebook* Now, young scallywags, let's begin…:  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Hiya chap!  
  
MartinDAwarrior: Who's this?  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Me, ye little seadog!  
  
MartinDAwarrior: Um I don't know you, now go away!!!  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Ahahh you know me all right!  
  
MartinDAwarrior: Oh?  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: I'm a bally hare!  
  
MartinDAwarrior: OH that psycho rabbit that tried to attack me when I went in line for the Easter Bunny! Noooooooooow I understand! : )  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Yeah. I got your AIM pen name.  
  
MartinDAwarrior: That's nice. Now go away, I'm trying to talk to Gonff!  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: What's his AIM pen name?  
  
MartinDAwarrior: Not telling.  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Please?  
  
MartinDAwarrior: NO.  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: I'll take that little Easter Bunny plushie of yours hostage if you don't. . . !!!  
  
MartinDAwarrior: Ok. It's: CheeseThief08.  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Thankee, Martin!  
  
Tipol IMs CheeseThief08   
  
PB o0PsycholBunnyOo: Why thank you Martin, me ol' mate!  
  
MartinDAwarrior: I had no choice.  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Heehee.  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: muAAAAHHH!  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
MartinDAwarrior: .  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE MY OL' MATE!  
  
Martin dials 911   
  
  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Heehee.  
  
Cheesethief08: Who's this?  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Hint: I have rabies.  
  
Cheesethief08: Oh no.  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: OH yes.  
  
Cheesethief08: Not you again.  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Yes me again.  
  
Cheesethief08: Leave me alone!  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: You owe me exactly: ….  
  
1. One rind of melon.  
  
2. Eight cheeses studded with nuts.  
  
3. Four canteens of elderberry wine.  
  
4. A half cup of milk.  
  
5. Two lottery tickets.  
  
6. My bandana (the red one)  
  
7. My secret mask.  
  
8. My squirt gun.  
  
Cheesethief08 has signed off   
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Darn…  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Hyello!  
  
MMeo: Who's this?  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Yore ol' FRIEND Tipol!  
  
MMeo: Hi Tipol what's up?  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Nothing. Just sayin' hi doncha know!  
  
MMeo: Hmm…  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: SO's I was a wonderin' matey,  
  
MMeo: Yes?  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: 'ow's yore pa been doin', eh?  
  
MMeo: Why are you talking like that, Tipol???  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: -.- Just answer me!  
  
MMeo: He's been doing fine, thank you very much.  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: U sure?  
  
MMeo: What'd you do this time?  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Ahaaaa… just taken his pore h'easter bunny 'way doncha worry yore pore likkle 'ead off noaw!  
  
MMeo: Buggzer? You've TAKEN him?  
  
o0PsycholBunnyOo: Duh.  
  
MMeo signs off   
  
  
  
Tipol: Well, there's more, but they're all pretty depressing…  
  
Hurdor: Oh.  
  
Petunia: That was hilarious! *smiles* How'd you like it if you joined our secret agent company?  
  
Tipol: I don't know. How much do I get paid?  
  
Petunia: A lot.  
  
Tipol: I'll join, then.  
  
Hurdor: And me too!  
  
Tipol: Yes, and Hurdor too!  
  
Petunia: Okay then! First thing's first, destroy the nerds!!! And dorks.  
  
Tipol: But… but… I'm a dork!  
  
Petunia: You're a cool dork. That's different.  
  
Tipol: *grins* OH COOL I'm a cool dork!  
  
Hurdor: What about me?  
  
Tipol: You don't talk a lot. I don't know…  
  
Petunia: By the looks of it, you're normal. Except for your language. But at least you're not a nerd. Or a dork.  
  
Hurdor: YAY!  
  
Tipol and Hurdor: *dances around* We're not nerds we're not dorks! Woohoo!  
  
Petunia: Do you know how to distinguish such people?  
  
Tipol and Hurdor: *stop dancing* Uh no.  
  
Petunia: *pulls out a notepad* Look over THERE: *points to a long list*  
  
Dorks and Nerds are: …  
  
^Annoying^  
  
Stupid  
  
Mean  
  
Insecure  
  
People who IMITATE/Copy others ((*cough* *cough* I hate it when people do that! *glares at Bulgarian classmate*))  
  
^People who have pocket protectors^  
  
^People who talk about nuclear stuff and a lot of science stuff^  
  
Tipol: Aheh… well… Um… I think I'm a nerd/dork.  
  
Hurdor: Me too.  
  
Petunia: Wha -- ?  
  
Tipol: Uhhhh *throws away pocket protector*  
  
Hurdor: *throws away science book about pollution*  
  
Tipol: SORRY GOT TO RUN!  
  
Hurdor: *tags along*  
  
Petunia: *gasps* You're one of them!  
  
b/b  
  
OH NO! What'll happen next! Will Petunia get the capture Tipol and Hurdor or will they get away??!! Eh. Not exactly a cliffhanger. But, I tried my best. Mr. Fishy dude says S writes good fics. Awww… *huggles Fishydude whilst bitting off his head and chewing* Mmmm…. I LOVE salmon! : [  
  
b/b  
  
A/N: Note to all dorks and nerds: I'm sorry if this is offensive to you but you must understand that PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH! *eyes people suspiciously*  
  
b/b  
  
Petunia: The truth? PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! 


	8. A... Leprechaun?

A … Leprechaun?  
  
br/br  
  
Tipol: Ho hum…  
  
Hurdor: Well, we got away from Petunia.  
  
Tipol: Good…  
  
Hurdor: Hmm.  
  
Tipol: Is that –  
  
Hurdor: *bends down* Ooo a leprechaun!  
  
Tipol: How c – ow! The little rascal bit me!  
  
Leprechaun: Heehee heehee… ye want me pot o' gold?  
  
Tipol and Hurdor: No.  
  
Leprechaun: Ehehehehe… ye want me good cell phone? *grabs Tipol and Hurdor's Nokia cell phone*  
  
Hurdor: *gasps* No! Our connection to the outside world!  
  
Leprechaun: Heehee heehee that's right me laddo! Do ye want me good cell phone?  
  
Tipol: *twitches* Ahhhh give it to me you filthy little leprechaun! Go and bug someone else who's not wearing green!!  
  
Leprechaun: Me? A leprechaun? Insult! I'm a Buddha!  
  
Tipol: *gasps*  
  
Hurdor: Hurr hurr, so be's oi, gurt lawdybuck! *eyes rove constantly to the cell phones*  
  
Leprechaun: Hmmmph. Anyways, ye've got to catch me to get me cell phones!!  
  
Hurdor: You don't understand! I'm a Buddha too! Come here Brother and give me back my cell phone you don't steal from your Brothers!  
  
Leprechaun: Excuse me but I know perfectly well who my Brothers are!  
  
Hurdor: Huh! Really?  
  
Leprechaun: YES.  
  
Hurdor: Anyways, so what's happenin' Tipol my main man?  
  
Tipol: Oh nothin' really, wot!  
  
Hurdor: *strolls away with Tipol, linking arms like good chums* Nothing?  
  
Tipol: Yeah well – you know just the boring ol' daily day eh?  
  
Hurdor: Mmm hmmm… *they cross over a hill*  
  
Tipol: *glances darkly at the leprechaun* Jeez. Next thing I know, he'll say "capture me lucky charms!". *mutters* Leprechauns…  
  
Leprechaun: He'll pay all right! *a mob of leprechauns appear, yelling and snarling quietly* MUAHA… MUAHAAA… MUAHAHAHAHAHAA! 


	9. Odd Dreams...

Odd Dreams…  
  
br/br  
  
Tipol: Did u notice that all of a sudden I'm Tipsol but then I'm Tipol again?  
  
Hurdor: That's weird.  
  
1 Tipol: *glares at author* It's your entire fault.  
  
2 Author: Since when did you use grammar like that including 'entire'?  
  
Tipol: Don't blame me! Blame the spell check!!  
  
3 Hurdor: Hey now, don't blame the spell check! Else you insult me!  
  
Tipol: *glare*  
  
Hurdor: *glare*  
  
Author: *mysteriously disappears*  
  
Tipol: ANYways, … Shouldn't we like eat? Or sleep?  
  
Hurdor: Um yes. Seeing as to we haven't eaten since we left for our quest.  
  
Tipol: What quest?  
  
Hurdor: Oh never mind.  
  
Tipol: Okay, let's eat and sleep.  
  
Hurdor: .  
  
Tipol: Ummm… Okay, let's eat and sleep! *falls asleep*  
  
  
  
4 I looked around. I was in a jungle. All of a sudden, a huge tiger came over and growled. "Let's play a game." I stared. That huge tiger wanted to play a… game with me? Um, no thanks…  
  
5 "Eh. How 'bout not?"  
  
6 The tiger smiled. Since when do tigers smile??? I sort of cracked a grin, just to make the tiger satisfied. Lemme tell u, all that training in the Long Patrol um, didn't pay off. Heh heh… The tiger growled again, this time deeper.  
  
7 "Tarzan will kill you if you don't play a game." Tarzan? That was kinda random.  
  
8 "Um, well, this is my dream. And… I'd like you to leave." This received a glare from the tiger.  
  
9 "I Mooshu. Not take orders from ANYONE."  
  
10 "Isn't that some sort of Chinese food?" I asked.  
  
11 "Uh… yes. Are you insulting my culture?!" Mooshu stared at me intently. I shook my head.  
  
"I'd never, EVER insult anyone's culture!" I quickly took out my journal and ripped out a memorized page and shredded it to pieces. "Heh… heh… Just a hunch."  
  
"Let me see that journal!" roared the tiger, always nosy in things like these.  
  
"NOOOooooo!" yelled Tipol, grabbing at his journal as the tiger clawed it out of his hand.  
  
"Okay, mercy! As long as you don't scratch my eyes out I'll give the journal to you!!" 


End file.
